- - DR. RASHER’S DILEMMA - -

- Pete, the hawk-nosed, bartender at Cuck’s Bar and Grill, had just gotten the channel-select button to work, on the bar’s TV remote. He was euphoric, he was going to call the bar’s owner and brag about his victory, but it was after midnight..
- The bar’s owner wasn’t asleep.
- Dr. Rasher, was in his Jacuzzi, drinking a glass of wine and mulling over a dilemma.
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- He was a Baptist, and also a one-third owner of Cuck’s Bar and Grill, and that paradox caused his dilemma... Baptists don’t own bars.
- Not many Baptists drank alcohol either, but he wasn’t going to stop having wine while inside his own home.
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- Dr. Rasher was a proficient enough doctor, but he had a harsh bedside manor, which was interjected with sharply-worded judgments of what the patients had done wrong, which had therefore caused their illness.
- Most patients he scolded, changed doctors. His practice was barely profitable. Money from the bar, allowed him to payoff his credit cards, and to afford expensive wine.
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- His dilemma had two parts, as all dilemmas do.
- He couldn’t afford to lose any patients. Most of his patients were non-drinking Baptists, and if they found out he owned a bar, many would change doctors. If they did, then his practice would become more of a hobby than a source of income.
- He wanted to keep his patients and his one-third ownership. One would have to go.
- He couldn’t get out of being an owner. He hadn’t bought the one-third ownership. It had been willed to him by Harold Jenkins, Millie’s husband.
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- Harold and Millie’s courtship and marriage had been a mixture of hate and love. It boomed and sparkled like skyrockets on the fourth of July.
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- There was a prenuptial agreement!
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- Millie didn’t like Dr. Rasher, and changed doctors. She urged Harold to do the same, he didn’t, and that irritated her.
- Harold weighed all the factors. He didn’t like Dr. Rasher either, but irritating Millie provided enough pleasure to offset the pain of Dr. Rasher’s sharply-worded reprimands.
- Millie’s IQ was almost high enough to qualify her to join Mensa. She quickly realized why Harold had remained Dr. Rasher’s patient.
- With that knowledge, her whole attitude changed, and her revenge began... a double-cross. She faked being irritated at him knowing that he would remain a patient and accept the pain of Dr. Rasher’s criticisms, as long as he thought, he was irritating her.
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- A few months ago, Harold began having headaches, he called and made an appointment to see Dr. Rasher.
- There were tests... and more visits... and more tests.
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- A month after the tests started, instead of Harold calling Dr. Rasher, Dr. Rasher called Harold, and asked him to come in... there was an explanation for the headaches.
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- In his sharp-tongued explanation , Dr. Rasher accused Harold of poisoning his body with drugs, during his youth, and with alcohol, tobacco, and wrong-foods throughout his adult life. He told Harold he a brain tumor, and that the cancer had spread to his lungs, kidneys, liver and pancreas. There wasn’t any treatment, and he was going to die within a month... two at the most.
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- Harold sat on the edge of the examination table and went through the classic five steps of grief in slight less that five minutes. Harold astounded Dr. Rasher.
- Denial took less than a minute. Anger about the same. Bargaining took the longest. Depression was dispensed with quickly. Acceptance was quick too.
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- When Harold left Dr. Rasher’s office, both were smiling.
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- A week later, Harold discovered Millie’s double-cross. He frowned, he had been out-witted again. He began pacing and drinking Scotch, two things he did while working out a problem. When the second glass of Scotch was finished, he sat down and smiled, the problem had been solved.
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- In Harold and Millie’s marriage, he had the money, and she had the brains. He had never been able to outwit her, and stay in the driver’s seat of their marriage for very long. She had always managed to unseat him and regain the top spot.
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- Harold called his lawyer and changed his will.
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- He gave his one-third ownership of Cuck’s to Dr. Rasher. It was Harold’s last boom in his marriage, his last grapple with his, hated and loved, Millie. He thought he had a way to get back in the driver’s seat, and remain there for at least five years and maybe forever.
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- Shortly after their honeymoon, Harold and Millie called a marriage counselor. The counselor explained to them that all marriages become games, and the games had names, and the name of their game was ‘Uproar’. The counselor smiled and explained that both of their personalities fitted together perfectly, as the game’s players. The counselor told them that if they stayed married, their life together would be one of punch and counter-punch, it would be filled with absolutely everything except boredom.
- Their marriage lasted close to fifty years, and spawned one son, BJ, who became a nurse and worked at Timberhill Hospital, in Sanonte.
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- Harold had his lawyer draw up a contract for the transfer of his one-third ownership of Cuck’s, to Dr. Rasher. The contract contained a binding clause that stated Dr. Rasher had to offer to sell his third to the other two owners before offering it for sale to the public. That was a standard clause.
- What wasn’t standard, was a special clause that stated the other two owners could take as long as five years to reject buying Dr. Rasher’s third.
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- Harold was a salesman and sold Dr. Rasher on the idea of accepting the one-third ownership, even thought it was against Dr. Rasher’s religion.
- When Harold mentioned how much money his portion would be, Dr. Rasher considered accepting.
- When Harold mentioned that if owning it was against his religion, then he could sell it! Dr. Rasher accepted.
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- What Harold didn’t mention was the special clause.
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- Dr. Rasher stood up in the tub and turned off the Jacuzzi’s jets. He cussed Harold for not mentioning the five year delay clause. He stepped out of the tub and began toweling off.
- By the time he was dry, he had thought of a way to end his dilemma. Without checking the time, he reached for the phone.
- At 12:22 AM Millie Jenkins was awakened.
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- That's the latest from Sanonte, or Sanity
- G, January 2, 2008